The wiseman who wrote the book of Ecclesiastes makes a series of observations about the futility of life. Listen to what he says in Chapter 6:7-12:

“All a man’s work is for his mouth…yet this appetite is never satisfied.” You work all your life to feed the beast – your family, your ego, opinions of other people. Yet those appetites are never quite satisfied, so without the correct perspective it can feel like futility.

“There are many words which only increase futility” and “The more the words the less the meaning.” Wow, do we ever live in a world of words! Everyone has their opinion on how you should live, what’s wrong with the world, how to be happy. Invest this way. Do intermittent fasting and drink this amount of water. Vote this way. Drive this car. Get this college degree. Here’s how to be a man, um, NO WAIT! Being a man is toxic, um NO WAIT! We no longer can even define being a man. The more words, the less meaning. Confusion causes futility.

“Who knows what is good for a man in this life?” Throw your hands up in the air…exasperated!

“During the few futile years of his life…he will spend them like a shadow.” So many men spend their lives like a shadow, confused about what is right. A shadow man is caught between light and darkness.

This fight against a shadow life is found throughout history. Henry David Thoreau, an American poet/philosopher in the 1800’s, famously made this observation:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation…Unconscious despair is concealed under what are called the games and amusements of mankind.

The quiet desperation and unconscious despair is like a fog which rolls in and blankets your life. It blocks or distorts your vision. It creates confusion about which way to go and how to function. There are lots of reasons men live in the shadow/fog:

• Perhaps some hidden trauma of the past has been pushed down, yet it casts a dark shadow over your life.
• Maybe some current covered sin. You live in a kind of permanent eclipse. One hidden habit or addiction blocks out the light.
• For some, it might be a lack of training or mentoring or healthy father figure. You simply don’t have any role models except what is provided by the culture, which offers no real hope of getting out of the shadow.

In his book, Fighting Shadows, Jon Tyson gives three common missteps men make in trying to get out of the shadow.

1. Overcompensate: Men sometimes double down on stereotypical gender roles for men – aggressive, always right, accept no criticism, feel little emotional empathy.
2. Shut down: We protect ourselves and don’t take risks. We bottle up our passions and dreams and replace it with passivity.
3. Medicate: We desperately grab hold of whatever mutes our desperation and despair. We binge porn, Netflix, video games, work, eating, exercise. All things that provide temporary pleasure and the illusion of being in control.

Yet, these are all missteps. They actually lead us further into the shadows.

Tyson then lists seven shadows men must fight and not misstep when they are in one or more of these shadows:

1. The Shadow of Despair
2. The Shadow of Lonliness
3. The Shadow of Shame
4. The Shadow of Lust
5. The Shadow of Ambition
6. The Shadow of Futility
7. The Shadow of Apathy

Our pattern for shining a light in these shadowy places in our lives will consist of:

• One week: Reviewing the content of the chapter
• Next week: Deep dive into a Biblical example of this struggle. Each chapter/each shadow gets two weeks.

Two Controlling Images: 

1. Two Icebergs:
   1. Upright Iceberg above and below the surface, here is a typical man. He makes every effort to keep what you see above the surface looking clean. Yet most of what controls or shapes or influences his life is under the surface, it’s unseen. What we must do as men is to tip this over and expose what’s underneath to the light.
   2. Tipped over iceberg: Look how dark because all the sediment has migrated under the surface. Tipping over your hidden life can be terrifying. You don’t need to expose yourself to everyone, but you do need to expose your hidden self to someone and especially to the Light of the World, Jesus. He is the only way out of the shadows.
2. Arrow and Water: I love this illustration! The water changes the direction of the light and actually turns it in the opposite direction. Prior to Genesis 3 and sin entering the world, mankind had a clear vision of which way to go in life. How to live a meaningful, connected life with God and with each other. Yet something happened, we were deceived, we believed a lie and deceived ourselves into believing something that was not true. Now, although we truly believe we can see clearly, we cannot. As the book of Proverbs says, we shouldn’t lean on our own understanding. But that’s one of the difficulties of our deception, it’s like the water in the glass. It’s there, it’s causing distortion of reality, but we can’t see it!

In order to change, we must first come to grips with this distorted reality, these shadows affecting our lives. God wants to help us with this first step and we see it in the questions he asks Adam and Eve in Genesis 3. Consider these three questions:

1. Where are you? (Genesis 3:9)
   The very first thing Adam and Eve did after their disobedience was to try to cover themselves and then hide. They hid from each other and from God. God comes asking the question, “Where are you?”, not because he can’t find them, but because he needs them to recognize reality and admit where they are. The biggest challenge for Adam and Eve, and for each of us, is to actually tell the truth! To turn over the iceberg and say out loud, “This is what I really look like!”
   Question – What are some clues you might be hiding or covering? 
2. Who told you? (Genesis 3:11)
   In Genesis 3, we are introduced to another voice. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve follow the other voice. Everyone here this morning is listening to some voice (God’s, their own, parents, friends). The voice is telling them, “this is the way to really experience life in this world.” You believe it and orient your life around that voice.
   Question – Whose voice are you following?
   Consider Peter in Matthew 16. Jesus told the disciples he must suffer and be killed. Peter takes Jesus aside and rebukes him. You know Peter is listening to another voice because Jesus tells Peter he is! Recall Jesus’ reply to Peter – “Get behind me Satan!” Peter was so self-deceived that he didn’t even realize he was channeling the ideas of Satan himself!
   Question – Who told you? Whose voice narrates your life, your decisions, your direction?
   
3. Have you eaten of the tree?
   I am sure you noticed how subtle Satan was in his temptation. He got Eve to focus on good things and turn them into God things. Fruit was good for food (physical/bodily hungers rule). Fruit was a delight to the eyes (emotional/pleasure rules). Fruit made you wise (mental/your wisdom rules).

Satan pours the water into the glass and distorts our vision and desires.

Questions: 

1. What is your common misstep when dealing with despair: overcompensate, shut down, medicate? Why?
2. Where are you? What are some clues you can observe that lead you to believe someone is still hiding or covering?
3. Who told you? What false narratives do you tend to believe? Where do those voices come from: culture, parent, spouse, Tiktok?
4. Where have you taken your hunger? Which of your desires are most easily distorted? Which ones tend to rule your life – physical, pleasure (emotional), or your wisdom? How?

Iron Leadership Materials: 

• The Daily Office 9-13-24
• IL Handout – 9-13-24