(Audio Transcription Below)

Conflict Resolution: Battle Royal

Funny – there are all kinds of ways people deal with conflict…one way is to fight but the main problem is that there will only be one winner and everyone else is hurt. So, I want us to think about the important topic: Handling Conflict.

No sooner had Moses delivered Israelites than conflict & complaints began. When you read about Moses’ 40 years of leadership, it reads like 40 years of conflict. Conflict from every angle: people he leads, people he loves/family, enemies, himself, God. Notice how quickly Rejoicing turns into Conflict 

• Ex. 15:1-21: Celebration….followed by…. 
• Ex. 15: 22-24 – Grumbling
• Ex. 16:7-8 – Grumbling
• Ex. 17: (vs. 1a) NOTICE: “Israel moved according to the commandment of the LORD” – (vs. 1b) “where there was no water for the people to drink” which led to (vs. 4) – Threats of Stoning
• Numbers 12: 1-2: Moses’ own family, Aaron & Miriam try to take over!

My first question: Why does God choose this path, this way of dealing with his people? Why didn’t they go from rescue to rest? Why would God intentionally lead people to a place that had no water? Why this journey in the wilderness?

Answer: The wilderness wasn’t necessary for Salvation – but it was needed for Sanctification

The reason this is important to keep in mind as a Christian and as a leader is that the challenges you face and the conflicts you are engaged in serve a greater purpose. They are not just hurdles in your way. God has allowed them to play a role in your formation.

“The wilderness is a preparatory kind of brokenness that makes the heart ready for God’s deeper work.” –Degroote

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts process: 

– Mixing bowl into a ball of dough 

– Cut into a doughnut shape 

– Rising time 

– Dumped into hot grease, flipped 

– Iced then eaten! Each step not a hurdle but imp. part of the process 

You can’t go from a mixing bowl to your mouth! We have to be reshaped. That shaping takes place in the wilderness – it’s part of God’s plan! 

Conflict Provides Opportunity to Grow by: Looking at Yourself & Looking to the Gospel 

Looking at Yourself 

1. Step Back: Baseball outfielder learns to step back first because you can run forward a lot faster than backward. So, in conflict – First, train yourself to step back and examine yourself! This takes a very high EQ- it’s easier to ignore conflict or blow up and say: “Well, that’s the way I roll.”

Matt 7:3-5 – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, & then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” 

This is so difficult yet so critical – The very first step to resolving conflict is to examine yourself. Think First – “Get the LOG out of your own eye.” 

Know Yourself: Slippery Slope Diagram: 

The top is a tough place to stand in the midst of conflict. It takes no effort at all to fall to one side. Question: Which side do you naturally fall toward? 

2. It takes wisdom to know the best way to react:

• Proverbs 19:11 – “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Are you overlooking (healthy) it or in denial (unhealthy)?
• Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
• Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” **I choose to engage/negotiation but I don’t do it in a harsh manner. 
• Proverbs 15:22 – “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” – The conflict requires outside counsel/mediation. 

3. Understanding a Common Pattern to Conflict: James 4:1-2 

James 4:1-2 – “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want….so you quarrel and fight.” 

Notice: James does not comment directly on particular issues involved because James is more concerned with what is ruling your heart rather than issues. A big problem is the way they deal with the problem- their response became the problem. 

Downward spiral: Desire, Demand, Disappoint, Judge, Punish. 

1. Desire: Conflict always begins with some kind of desire. Some desires are good, others are not. When desires turn into demands………watch out! 

2. Demand – “I must have………” I now view the thing I previously wanted as absolutely essential, and I begin to quarrel/fight for it. 

Key: I justify why I should have this thing – “I work hard all week. Don’t I deserve a little peace and quiet when I come home.” – “I worked harder than anyone else on the project. I deserve the promotion.” **You begin to smell a demand – Idol. 

3. Disappointment: Unmet demands lead to disappointment. 

4. Judgment: Disappointment leads to frustration and in my frustration I begin to judge, condemn, reject. “You are such a ____” 

5. Punishment: I am hurt. My ego is bruised, I tried to be controlling yet I still didn’t get my way…..so I strike back: Angry words, slander, gossip, the cold iron curtain – I punish. 

_______________________________________________________________ 

Conflict Provides an Opportunity to Exercise the Gospel: 

You are a Product of the Gospel: Matt 18- Parable of the Unmerciful Servant – As you engage in conflict….called on to endure, forgive, overlook remember that you and I were in conflict with God. God came and settled our account which was SO HUGE….we can’t even imagine. So, as you enter in, as you try to settle relational accounts with others you have a Gospel shape approach. 

Remember: You have been forgiven much! 

Even then you can think: “Well, what your are saying about me is totally untrue – but there are so many things you could accuse me of that are terrible and are true”……it softens your need to be defensive! 

Practice the Golden Rule: Luke 6:31– “Do to others as you would have them do to you. – “Using this one verse alone will often lead you to the answer of how to handle conflict or ethical problems in your business. If I were on the other side of the conflict, how would I want someone to approach me, speak to me. What tone or attitude would I respond to best? How would I want to be treated……….then treat others the same? 

Prayer: (Numbers 14:1-20) – WOW!

Praying for those who are causing the conflict 

Questions: Conflict Provides Opportunity 

1. Rate yourself on your ability to “step back” and examine yourself prior to entering into conflict. Do you tend to view conflict as an obstacle or opportunity? 

2. Which side of the slippery slope do you gravitate to? How do you determine the best way to handle conflict? 

3. Discuss the downward spiral: desire, demand, disappoint, judge, punish. When has a craving of yours led to a conflict? 

4. Exercising the Gospel: How can the Gospel give shape to your handling of conflict? Practicing the Golden Rule or Prayer for those in conflict – Which one is more challenging for you? Why? 

Iron Leadership Materials

• IL Handout
• The Daily Office