The lie is that I am a slave to my sexual desire. The truth is that faithfulness is a key to my formation. Lack of sexual control is not a new problem. Proverbs 7:21-27 and Proverbs 6:32 tell us this.

We see this self-destruction in the Bible.

David, the man after God’s own heart, self-destructs. In 1 Samuel 11, David was alone with no accountability. Then he saw Bathsheba, he inquired about her, he sent for her, he took her. David’s desires took the steering wheel. For all of David’s courage and commitment to the Lord, after his adultery, family destruction followed. It wasn’t just one building David brought down, he brought down his family.

The wisest man in the world, Solomon, self-destructs.

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, “You should not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. 1 Kings 11:1-3

For all Solomon’s wisdom, he left this one place open and he turned away, creating a civil war for the nation of Israel.

Sampson, the strongest man in the world, self-destructs. Sampson feasted his eyes on forbidden women and what happened to him? His eyes were gouged out!

Statistics: 

• 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis
• Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn
• 55% of married men say they watch porn at least once a month
• 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation

When I am in a counseling session with men, I assume you struggle with porn or have some issue dealing with a lack of sexual control.

Four Re-enforcements: 

1. Re-enforce that sexual immorality is wrong:

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:28

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body…Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:13 & 18

2. Re-enforce that sex is a good gift given by God: 

Read what wise men have to say in Proverbs 5:15-23, Song of Solomon Chapter 4, 1 Corinthians 7:2 & 9

3. Re-enforce the pattern sin follows: 

Desire enters the mind. Demands attention – sexually charged words. A desire walks into your mind and is dressed up in such a way as to demand your attention! Dominates – you feel like you are no longer in control. It gets implanted in your mind and must be satisfied!

When you indulge in sexual sin, it reveals what you truly believe about sexuality. You believe that the pleasure of sin is better than the pleasure of obeying God by enjoying sex the way God created it to be enjoyed. You believe that the pleasure you derive from your sin is greater than the consequences your sin will have on you and those around you. You believe that your momentary pleasure is greater than the rewards the Lord has for you – both in this life and in the life to come. Tim Challies

Gives birth to death/deformation! The thing that you thought would be so satisfying has brought deformation to your soul, destruction to other people, devestation to your wife and family.

4. Re-enforce the deforming results: 

• Deformed view of women – women become commodities for men’s sexual satisfaction. Results – men believe what they see in porn is reality and it’s not. Results of a survey showed that a high percentage of young women are pressured to play out the porn scripts seen by male partners and therefore females have seen a dramatic increase in body-hatred, eating disorders and depression.
• Deformed commitment – hook up culture and apps like Tinder (“These apps are like Amazon Prime promising you to deliver to you hot people.”). This delivery system, porn or Tinder, eliminates the need for commitment. Again, women are the losers, they are turned into commodities. Co-habiting and replaced co-mmitment. Only 20% of co-habiting relationships lead to marriage. Co-habitating increases your chance of divorce. Serial monogamy is a strong indicator of infidelity after marriage.

We think we know what works or what’s best, yet the statistics show that we don’t.

• Deformed sense of self

So…we need help!

Questions: 

1. At what age did you first encounter porn or some sexual dysfunction? What one bad affect did it have on you?
2. What should David, Solomon, and Sampson’s failures in this area teach you about yourself?
3. Discuss lust’s deforming results:
   1. Deformed view of women
   2. Deformed view of commitment
   3. Deformed sense of self – lust causes us to collapse within ourselves
4. Review the pattern found in James 1:14-15. Desire – Demand – Dominates – Death. Discuss how you have seen this pattern in your own life fighting against sin.

Iron Leadership materials: 

• IL Handout – 1-17-25
• The Daily Office 1-17-25